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Consideration, Deliberation

by Michael Clappison

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1.
A Good Routine 04:13
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Spit the sun up and wash off your face Drag your feet through the brightening sky Catch your bus with your friends And laugh at their jokes Brush the dirt from your yesterday's jeans Turn the engine on and watch it work Catch the chain when it slips from the wheel Check the time so you know When to take your break Sit back down, don't get back up again It's okay, getting better every day A good routine to get by It's okay, a little better every day Straighten the folds and put everything in place Make the lock so it breaks in your hands Put the lock on the latch to the door Break the door and make your escape Past the guards Grab your cheque so it wasn't a waste It's okay a getting better every day A good routine to get by It's okay, a little better every day Straighten the folds and put everything in place Every night I come home you're not there The power's been cut The dishes broken Every night I come home you're not there I shake you off and close the curtain When you're back, please fold the laundry I won't be here I'll probably be missing I've been wearing these same jeans for weeks now It's in the machine The basket is waiting Every little kid we've made is in pieces I swept them up Put them in the ground Every night I bother coming home you're somewhere The TV's on And take-out ordered When you're back, I'm probably working With smoke on my hands And dust in my eyes If I see you, please have something ready To eat from the stove I'll get my own plate It's okay, getting better every day A good routine to get by It's okay, a little better every day Straighten the folds and put everything in place
2.
Down to Nothing 02:05
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Baby, shake me ‘til I’m loose Stumbling backwards break my fall Roll me in the dirt and grind me Down to nothing Get up, grass stains on my shirt Waistband sinking, one shoe missing Jeans undone and hair a plain mess Like a riot Break me from my cell And kiss me, grab me, take me Over county lines and find A cheap motel room Cut the handcuffs And let my hands roam free Feeling for the switch That turns me on And gets me going Baby, wake me from the noose Push me through the trapdoor down To the viewing room and break me While they watch us Got a rattle in my step Like a spray can stir me up Help me make some art like vandals On a school night Break me from my cell And kiss me, grab me, take me Over county lines and find A cheap motel room Cut the handcuffs And let my hands roam free Feeling for the switch That turns me on And gets me going
3.
The Minotaur 04:02
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My love, I dreamt that I felt you beside me So close to my heart I touched your body, your substance, your comfort So real to me Sweet love, I wake up, I reach out and lose you Burnt out of my head One thread untangling quickly in my hand Holds me to you So find your way back to me And join again in my flesh There'll be nothing but space Where we used to be Oh love, I weave through these labyrinths and shadows Pulling on the strand It bends and twists into circles and dead ends With every glimpse I get of you Please love, this dreamcatcher I've now entangled Snares me in its fuse One spark of daylight will send me to pieces Until you come to me So find your way back to me And join again in my flesh There'll be nothing but space Where we used to be
4.
Ballad of a Late Bloomer 04:06
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Should have saved myself the trip Should have turned around Now I’m dressed up and laughing To a toast Could have stayed at home When I was younger And beat on after class I’d wish I had a few friends To keep me safe Snot nosed and bleeding With my tears soaked through my clothes My mama thought I was cute I’d grow out of it Tucked me in at night on soft sheets Kissed the bruises with a smile Teenaged and awkward Spent my weekends all alone Brothers and sisters all out At their friends house Locked in my bedroom I’d wait beside the phone Daydreaming places I’d go To fall asleep Now I seem to lack imagination Got the same damn tie and haircut Should have kept it to myself Should have locked the door Now the whole house is open and serving Could have had more fun Got into college with all tuitions paid Got to the top of my class And went out into the world Found an employer who saw a protégée Just break you out of your shell You’ll do well here The flattery undressed me and redressed me And the whole damn time I liked the touch Now when I get home there’s someone on the phone Gossip and talk about what they’ve been up to Singing my praises to charm their way over Just let me unwind, I don’t have time Mama comes to visit on days off Marvels at the silk sheets on the bed
5.
Street Magic 03:19
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Shuffling all the cards in my hand And deal them to the players At the table blank, count my fate Scratched the faces from the king And all his court and cavalry Storm their walls, rob them blind Game show hostess smiles On the street Window shopping for a new teleprompter Take my chances now While you’ve got them all distracted Blackjack tarot cards are played With the street magicians Take another hit, hedge your bets Lotto scratch-and-win in her purse I pick it out and give myself a paper cut On my palm Gypsy tells me my new fortune Folds her table and goes to her apartment Take my chances now While you’ve got them all distracted
6.
Snow Clouds Drift 03:37
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I've become lost in the dark That sleeps upon my heart And in its dreams selfish things Take shape and do their deeps And snow clouds drift overhead And still the dead inside their chains And on their backs paradise Is slowly carried away And if it reached out now I'd be too weak to hold it And if it reached out now I've become lost underneath The weight of all the years Again alone as I think Of what I did for love That never came from the ones Who said they loved all things That never came, never said That it would make me right And if it reached out now I'd be too weak to hold it And if it reached out now I wouldn't want to know it
7.
Hands 02:40
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8.
Turned to Water 03:57
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I was told boy leave your dreams unfulfilled What’re you gonna have to live for when you’ve found God I don’t know but I’m not gonna fear Dying at the tender age of twenty three With all my life behind me Too much happiness can kill you When you get to the top of the mountain You’ll have no air to breathe Every smile can crack your lips When you’re too long in the sun You become a desert Now the liquor’s turned to water ‘Cause I only drank half the bottle Saved the rest for later Now the water’s boiled off And I’m dying a drink Please save me I was told boy you might die tomorrow But somehow I don’t think you will You’ve got your health You’re gonna grow old and settled with money in the bank Let your life find you And anyway boy what’re you gonna do with the world When you don’t understand the sweat and tears that made it I don’t know I might die tomorrow ‘Cause today’s really doing me in I don’t know, I won’t sweat about it ‘Cause I got no water to spare Too much happiness can kill you But I won’t get drunk every day Just get a buzz going Every way I know of leads to dying So I’ll get to the top of the mountain See the sights Not gonna let this liquor turn to water ‘Cause it cost me a fortune in hard earned cash Not gonna push this boulder any higher ‘Cause I’m out of breath anyway And it’s hot in the sun I don’t feel satisfaction This wine tastes like water Every kiss draws blood Oh I’ve lived too long
9.
Overload 03:07
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Satellites spinning around my head Making me dizzy and sick Radios turned up as loud as they'll go Drowning me in their noise Take me home, put me to bed Close the curtains and sleep Lock the door, turn off the TV Get undressed for me Telephones ringing inside my hand Asking me what I think Billboards standing above the sky Telling me what I should do with my time Take me home, put me to bed Close the curtains and sleep Lock the door, turn off the TV Get undressed for me
10.
Meditations (Winter Child) 03:59
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Winter child the sun is in your eyes And you go blind as flowers Open in the snow Days grow longer Ages passing Summer comes and warms your face And soon you'll flow into the river And be swept away Winter child the sun is in the sky And water flows in rivers broken From the ice Tides are rising Ages passing Summer comes and melts way The ones you played with in the cold And who told you their names

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released July 15, 2014

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Michael Clappison Barrie, Ontario

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